Loner Magazine - New Year, Good Vibes

New Year, Good Vibes

Why masturbation is the New Years resolution you can’t abandon. 

By Kate Sherbo

It’s that time of year again when you throw out your dollar store calendar and wait until June to get another one.  You find yourself cruising along this New Year (two days in and you are doing fan-fucking-tabulous!) and you have already accomplished so much. You bought a new gym membership, ate some kale and got an instrument that you will never play.  Congratulations!  No worries, that is all well and good but I would like to take a moment to focus on a different, less talked about resolution.

“Let’s talk about sex, baby.  Let’s talk about you,” and yourself.  Sex has become more acceptable to talk about between friends, co-workers and families (still weird sometimes), whether it is casual or in a committed relationship.  I’d like to move that a step further and talk in depth about a subject still mainly avoided… Masturbation!  Sexual health is an essential factor in a human’s quality of life.  This means that it is integral alongside eating well, getting regular exercise and taking care of everyday tasks to do with living.  Honesty, openness and ingenuity are three traits we often utilize in our “New Year, New Me” concept, so why not apply that to every aspect of our health? Whether you are single or not, the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself.  You’re together 24/7, can’t hide anything and have to accommodate to thrive. If you haven’t made the connection yet, these are all applicable to partners as well. Science has shown that the more people are comfortable and accepting of their sexuality, the higher quality of life and level of fulfillment. And who doesn’t want that?

First off, masturbation is healthy and normal for those in relationships as well as single individuals.  It is a natural and enjoyable activity that denotes a more positive disposition.  It is important for everyone and doesn’t signify a lack of happiness in relationships or in life, contrary to popular belief.  The more comfortable you are in reading your body and understanding your orgasm, the more enlightening and rewarding your experiences with others can be!

Take a gander at your planner and add this to your resolution calendar, “Masturbate!” Carve out some time to take a shower or bath and practice some self-care. Use your favorite smelling soap and loofah your entire body slowly, massage your head with a silky conditioner or simply get naked on some clean sheets with a candle lit and breathe deeply.  You can even go out and buy new undies or lingerie and put them on all alone in your room, just to slowly take them off again!  Oh, the naughtiness!  All of these activities will set the stage for some indulgent self-love.  Remember, it is possible to fuck yourself.  It is also possible to make love to yourself.  Pick your tools for the deed depending on your mood, privacy and availability.  You might go with the little vibrator you got as a white elephant gift (jokes on them), a male masturbator, a phallic object or the ever-lovely, readily available hand.  Always make sure you are properly lubricated to aid in sensation as well as safety and comfort.  Take a moment to touch every part of your body and breathe deeply.  Set a goal for your session.  Perhaps you’d like to listen to your body a little more closely, find a new pleasure zone, try different sensations on your favorite place (heat, pain, tingly lotions, essential oils, feathers), fantasize about a new experience, suss out a new level of climax or even just be present in the moment.  It is possible to contribute aspects of meditation and spirituality into masturbation and really create an experience of joy and gratitude for our fabulously fun parts!

If you are a perfectionist, don’t just rush for the end climax to move on.  We often miss the wonderful aftershocks from a nice come if we move on to the next task on our daily list.  If you normally finish quickly try a detour, extend your personal time.  Relish in the compassion that you have shown for yourself and your sexual being.  You have given yourself a gift of pleasure and it should never be something about which to feel shame or guilt.  If those feelings do come up, try to be accepting of those emotions and notice how they affect you.  Talk yourself through them with patience and understanding. Acceptance is a daily skill that needs to be honed, even if you are a monk or a saint. When you can learn to decode your orgasm and connect with your body, you will enjoy experiences with others even more and be honest with yourself in a very personal way. That passion and high level of awareness, coupled with communication, will aid you and spill over into every aspect of your life.

So there you have it, it’s true!  Masturbation can help your relationships, mental health, physical health and overall sense of wellness and satisfaction.  It’s also a great natural substitute for Ambien and Valium.  So get out there boys and girls!  Go bravely into this New Year and touch yourself!